Inner Truths.

You don't realize how hard it is.. You say you wish you were the man.. you wish you were buad. It is so hard.. I have to try to be tough no matter how sad I am. I have so many "duties" I am "suppose" to do. I LOVE YOU.. I never did anything wrong.. always being good. why is life so hard. the only good part is when they monks said it will work out. Made me have more purpose. I never want to make you cry.. never.. my thoughts are just so jumbled up.. I don't even have the will to make this have any organization or anything.. All I know is I need you.. I feel ugly.. I feel not wanted.. Do you still want me.. I day dream and day dream and day dream.. about you coming up to me in front of other guys. and giving me a hug.. but in my fantasy it was more like a kiss.. But yea.. sigh.. I see you and you are so beautiful.. and then I see your dad staring at me.. I was like .. I just want to say what the fuck do you want? And the second time I felt like saying What the fuck do you want was when arthur kept trying to talk to me like nothing happened. I acted like nothing happened when... I am too nice. But you don't know how many people bullshit to you about me. Cause I probably just seem like that. I dont know.. I am in this mess of a room.. I don't have a spot to sleep. I don't feel like picking crap up. Just want to cry.. why wont you reply.. I'll be the man.. and I will patiently wait.. wait.. wait.. I slept so early as a monk cause I wanted time to go by the longer i sit there and do nothing the more i feel hurt... the more I think about you.. the more I miss you.. the more I want to be with you.. Sherry.. I love you.... why don't you want other people to know we are together... Is it just my dream that you will come to me.. in front of everyone. I know if I go up to you .. you will get mad at me.. so I was just like whatever.... I just am fantasizing about you tommorow.. you loving me.. you wanting to be with me.. I am just fantasizing all day.. am I getting lost in this illusion or are you a reality... my thoughts are all jumbled.... I just need your attention....